The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
