New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
