I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize