She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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