Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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