i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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