I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
