Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize