so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
