so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
