I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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