i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
