I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
