He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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