eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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