He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
