Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
