as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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