how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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