the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
ugly people sure do ruin things
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
