I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
