I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
