AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
