ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
