One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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