Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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