Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
