Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
