its not stalking. its research.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize