I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
