Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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