I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
