I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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