the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
