every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
