No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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