sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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