at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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