i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
