i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
