I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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