cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
