not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
