But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
