I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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