I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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