Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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