Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Houston, we have a blender
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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