im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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