ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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