so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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