you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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