Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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