Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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