weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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