listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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