His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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