What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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