so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize