Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
