Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize