she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
