In the future we'll all be gay
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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