If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
