I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
