Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
