You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
