Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize