I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You're like the curious george of whores
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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