Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
