Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
