How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
