Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
