apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
