Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
