I need help removing her.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
