I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
