Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
