my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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