That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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