I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
