she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
oh god the rape fog is back!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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