hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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