my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize