I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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