make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
