I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
