Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Of course I have a pirate flag
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize