I CAN MOONWALK!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
