If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
