Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
