I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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