i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
