Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
