Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Holy sore nipples Batman
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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