tell your sister to shave her snatch
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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