I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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