I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
