I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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