i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
