She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
