My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
