i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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