Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
