apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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