yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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