I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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