It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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