did you get engaged???
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
