He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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