So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize