video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
bring money and cleavage
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
